Breathing Room: Sacred Relationship

Breathing Room:
Sacred Relationship & The Seven Gemstones of Fulfillment

The depth of Sacredness in our lives – which is the quality of love, connection, and aliveness – reflects how deeply we have allowed the Absolute, or Love, to transform us and our relationships . As we “turn back” and bring to light all the darkness that has settled within, we begin to dissolve our self created obstacles to the shimmering presence of Love as our true Identity. We are shocked into the direct realization that God is not far away at all. In fact, we learn that when we are truly present as the embodiment of Love in the world, we immediately have God, and God has us.

Yet few of us have been shown the way to Love. We get most of our learning from rough and tumble on-the-job training! After so many bruises, we either withdraw into a safe shell (even in a relationship) or we make the inquiry into what does not work, and, slowly, we begin to discover what does. This discovery always come as a revelation, for what works in sacred, loving relationships is exactly what sages have been teaching us works in the quest for enlightenment!

Sacred Relationship requires a transfiguration of the self we have thought ourselves to be. It requires dismantling the veils we have built around our hearts to keep us safe, discovering our own authenticity and living it fully, releasing all the dysfunctional “tapes” we have acquired from our past, and cultivating the ability to truly empathize; to sensitively enter into the soul of another, to become one with another, whether in their joy or their pain. Sacred Relationship requires the same kind of transfiguration the mystic must go through to become one with God. In both longings, we are called to surrender everything we have known, and become literally the “vessel” through which the Absolute, as Love, pours toward the beloved. Our refusal to give up our previous perceptions blocks us from realizing the highest and most fulfilling relationships, just as it keeps the seeker of God forever a seeker.

The Secret to experiencing both Sacred Relationship and the presence of God is what I call “Breathing Room.” The principle is simple: nothing can flow into a space which is already full. If the “space” of our hearts and minds were filled with Sacredness and God, we wouldn’t feel so dissatisfied! This can mean only that there is “no room at the Inn.” That is, we have become full of something that prevents what would most fulfill us from flowing into us. If this were not true, we would have what we long for already.

I would like to offer to you the Seven Gemstones of Fulfillment. I know that if you wrap your soul around them, they will lead you in ways unimagined into and through the land of transfiguration that alone can gift you with the fulfillment of your longing for Sacred Relationship.

Gemstone One: What you long for is longing for you. The journey to fulfillment of the soul begins, in the recognition that the desire and longing you feel, whether it seems directed toward the longing for Love in a human relationship or toward a spiritual relationship with God, is already sacredness appearing within you. That longing needs to be as a priority in your life. Go ahead, take the plunge and state clearly to yourself your deepest longings. And then realize that this very longing is actually the way the Universe is calling to you!

Give yourself the breathing room necessary to feel your deepest longings and desires. This is the very first step in becoming the capable of receiving their fulfillment.

Gemstone Two: Harry Truman made famous the simple phrase: The buck stops here. In our quest for sacredness, both human and divine, we must freely choose to interrupt the ego’s penchant for passing the baton of responsibility. I invite you here and now to take a deep breath and say the following within yourself, until it seeps into your cells:

I and I alone create my experience. All that I see, have, do, and am is by my perfectly free choice. I free the world from any blame I have placed upon it, or anyone.

Taking 100% responsibility frees up enormous energy we once frittered away in making excuses, defending our opinions, and enlisting others in our sad, sad stories. As A Course in Miracles states: “Would you rather be right, or happy?” The decision for 100% responsibility opens a magical door between what you have been, and what you can become. Go ahead. Make the space for this clear decision now!

Gemstone Three: Be what you want to attract. In the realm of transforming the soul, receiving what we long for works by the Law of Attraction. Therefore, in your quest for sacred, fulfilling relationship, choose now to look honestly at how what you want to attract is blocked and take corrective action! Following especially on #2 above, stop wasting time complaining about the love and sacredness you are not getting from your partner (or lack of one!) and focus entirely on these simple questions:

• How can I be more present today?
• How can I extend sacred love into my world, right now?

Cultivate the realization that the mind always moves immediately in the direction of answers. Following inner promptings takes us into the experience of extending love into the world, and when we give, we immediately receive. Honor and follow your inner promptings to extend love into the world.

Gemstone Four: What is hidden must be revealed, before it can be healed.In Sacred Relationship, Transparency is absolutely essential. As Jaquelyn Small points out in her excellent work, Awakening in Time, “ if it is happening under your skin, it’s yours”. Use all feelings and perceptions that arise in the dance of togetherness for what I refer to as Radical Inquiry; getting to the deepest truth about our reactions. In this way, we unravel what causes us to withdraw love and presence. For example: all anger at something or someone is ultimately a veil covering a fear of something. In countless couples sessions, and in my own life, I have witnessed the miraculous power of radical inquiry into reactions arising in relationship when the primary fear is uncovered and allowed to be felt completely. It always produces closeness and connection, the very hallmarks of sacredness. Like a budding mystic or spiritual aspirant, all real work is the discovery of how Fear has crept into our hearts and minds, usurping the place where the very Love of the Absolute longs to dwell within us.

Transparency is a skill, easily learned and deceptively simple, yet it requires time and practice for us all, because it is the opposite of everything the world has taught us to do!

The commitment to master transparency leads to the deep realization of something priceless: the ability to love and be loved deeply, and the direct experience of God’s Presence. In short, Freedom of the soul.

To begin creating the Breathing Room necessary for transparency to blossom, start by asking yourself the following:

What feeling, or fear, have I possibly withheld from my partner? Has this caused closeness, or a sense of distance?

Make a commitment to seek out and learn the skills of transparent, safe communication in your relationships. A great guide to start with is a book by my friends, Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, titled "Conscious Loving.“ Remember, transparency reveals all which must be healed in our minds for Fulfillment to blossom, both in our personal relationships, and in our relationship with the Absolute”.

Gemstone Five: Which Universe have you been living in? If that seems an odd question, consider these words from Albert Einstein: “There are only two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is”.

I like to underscore this Gemstone by noting something very important about potential places for our hearts and minds to live. In the Universe where nothing is a miracle, something threatening can happen: mistakes! When I live in that Universe, I must always be unsure about myself, and especially unsure about you. So much of our suffering can be traced to our “certainty” that the “other guy” has failed us in some way; a mistake has been made. In this Universe, I must settle for being a victim: others “cause” my unhappiness! Of course, this is the opposite of everything our earlier Gemstones tell us! In the Miraculous Universe, there are no mistakes. All events are seen as an unfolding support of Love to nudge us toward our Awakening, and out of our illusions! Every mystic and sage has lived in the Miraculous Universe.

Enjoy the Breathing Room expanding within you as you relax your body. Breathing evenly and deeply, take 15 minutes now to do nothing but look at what is around you: an object on your kitchen table, the quality of light in the sky, or any sounds that come and go. Do you really know what these things are, or how they have truly come into existence? No! Sages know their bliss comes from accepting the utter miracle of all things arising and passing away. Simply see, hear, and appreciate the Mystery touching your eyes or your ears.

Gemstone Six: One popular opinion, one which in many ways literally keeps the world spinning while getting no where, is this: Happiness is caused by the successful arrangement of people, places and things around me. If you feel such a thought doesn’t have a grip on you in some way, think of all the times you have felt unhappy, while your mind was fixated on what changes must occur in order for you to be happy! Here is the truth about happiness:

Happiness is a choice, and is literally uncaused by any external condition whatsoever. The source of happiness is in our infinitely powerful minds, and our freedom to choose.

To create Breathing Room around your experience of Happiness, ask yourself the following: “What condition(s) have I been placing on my truly being happy? I will be happy when _________.” Now, imagine what you will feel like when that condition is met. Become familiar with it in your body. Then, decide to enjoy feeling that way now! Remember, in the transforming of the soul, and cultivating Sacredness in our lives, the Law of Attraction is supreme. To experience greater happiness in relationship to God, and to other fellow human beings, grow yourself into a field of happiness, and watch how your life begins to “miraculously” change!

Gemstone Seven: Mae West was a master of this: Become the most capable lover possible and learn to see every moment of relationship as an opportunity to literally “make love, not war.” To give yourself to this task is the consummate spiritual act. Imagine how our world would be if everyone practiced the mantra given to us by the 14th century Sufi mystic-poet Hafiz: in the moments of all their relationships: “My dear, how can I be more loving to you, how can I be more kind?” To create Breathing Room for the lover in you to emerge, simply use Hafiz’ words when interacting with another at least 10 times a day! Also, tune in to a time when you felt completely loving. Feel the feelings that were present with you then. Become familiar with them, create them now, just for the enjoyment of it, and then do the next thing life is asking of you from that loving feeling, no matter what it is!

And now, here is the deepest secret I can give you. It is the truth and essence of all gospels and teachings; the very essence of enlightenment:

You are That Shimmering One who created your body-mind as a device
through which to extend love into creation.

Your very existence is sacred beyond all measure. Isn’t it time to give up the “Reluctant Soul Syndrome” and embrace your very life with passion and honor? Would you join with me in a commitment to living Sacredness into all your relationships, while opening to Remembrance of God? You don’t have to wait until you “know how”. Why? Because the Absolute, the very realm of the Sacred, longs for you as you long for it. Merely making the commitment sets in motion all manner of things in support of your desire. The Universe you may have learned to see as alien, mechanical, and separate from you, will begin to conspire, that is, breathe with you, in support of your transformation! Can any journey be more worthwhile than the one in which millions of us arise from our slumber and actively choose to bless this world with the Sacredness of Who We Really Are?