James Murray

The most frequent complaint the professionals who work with troubled people hear is, “Nobody understands me.” The second most frequent complaint is, “Nobody cares anything about me.” The third most frequent complaint is, “I don’t feel that I am accomplished at doing anything.” The fourth most frequent complaint is, “I cannot find anything that really interests me”. Not only do people who seek professional help with their problems have these complaints, but also untold thousands have the same general feelings and struggle on, just accepting the fact that having problems is a fact of life.

In this state of being, one blames people and things as the cause of their dilemma: the mate, parents, children, past, outlook for the future, war, draft, debts, life, an unhappy childhood, heredity – the list of what to blame is endless.

One could say that when one is in this state one has ingrown attention. That one constantly pays attention to his feelings and then identifies with these feelings. One is constantly considering self and has turned his inner state over to the unpleasant emotions. If we were to observe self without condemnation or justification, we might see that we have as our purpose of living to gain comfort and pleasure on all levels, and escape pain on all levels: we have the idea we are very entitled to this just because we exist. If we truly see this (and it is not difficult to see), we are somewhat shocked. But in order to have this shock, we must see for ourselves the state we are in. If someone else tries to make us see what we are, our original complaint will only be reinforced. When a person experiences this “shock,” it becomes a source of energy to proceed. This shock is like what a person experiences when he awakens from a nightmare. There is joy in seeing that the nightmare was only a dream. (S)he sees that the terrible state he was just experiencing, which to him was so real a few seconds ago, is simply not real.

In this “walking dream state” of trouble that seems so real, the shock comes with self-awareness that one has been in a dream state for years. Self-awareness shows a man he is like a little baby, feeling entitled to have pleasure and comfort, attention, approval, and importance; and he need do nothing to receive all this except just exist. The shock is seeing that you have really never been awake; you have always felt sorry for yourself because you have felt ignored or rejected.

The shock enables us to see that we are not a helpless baby who is totally subject to what happens to it, but that we are grown-ups who have privileges and can perhaps gain what we want, whether it be comfort, pleasure, attention, approval, capability, interest, or what have you. We can then have and expend the energy to actualize our aim. To awaken from a nightmare which has existed for so many years is truly a joy!

During the dream state, numerous accounts are made against many people. These accounts are made because we feel they failed to live up to our expectations. Carrying these accounts is a heavy burden to bear. The second shock is seeing that during the dream state accounts against persons and things have accumulated and carrying them is an intolerable burden. The effect of the second shock is that these many accounts are canceled. This has been called forgiving. A person really feels lighter because his/her burden has been removed and (s)he begins to behave and see differently. (S)he begins to see that others are in a similar dream state. This is the beginning of experiencing compassion or love.

No matter how much one says (s)he has love, without these shocks, one would never be in a state of love. The value of this state, called love, is the subject of the scriptural passage found in I Corinthians, Chapter 13, verses 1 - 10:

“And I point out to you a yet more excellent way. If I should speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have charity, I have become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal. And if I have prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mounains, yet do not have charity I am nothing. And if I distribute all my goods to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, yet do not have charity, it profits me nothing.

Charity is patient, is kind; charity does not envy, is not pretentious, is not puffed up, is not ambitious, is not self-seeking, is not provoked; thinks no evil, does not rejoice over wickedness, but rejoices with the truth; bears with all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Charity never fails, whereas prophecies will disappear, and tongues will cease, and knowledge will be destroyed. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when that which is perfect has come, that which is imperfect will be done away with.

There are two basic ideas in this passage. One, that the value of anything, and everything, and all other attributes are as nothing compared to the state of love – of being love. The second is that love never fails.

Some things or abilities mentioned as being of little worth have nonetheless been valued and struggled for by many. Then, when they have been attained to a degree, they become arrogant unless their gain is accompanied with the state of being called love. Look again at the wonderous gifts which are worthless unless one has love: speaking with the tongues of men and angels – being able to speak to anyone in his language (even without study and practice); the gift of prophecy – knowing all mysteries (all symbols), and all knowledge; having faith so as to be able to move mountains. Truly these are all wonderful gifts but the scripture says, if one had all of these and had not the state of love, he is worthless and has absolutely nothing.

If, in comparison to love, these wonderful gifts are as nothing, what a treasure is love! Then the scripture says, “If I bestow all my goods to feed the poor and have not love, that great act of charity profits nothing.” The scripture gives some of the infinite attributes of love. Love is patient. In other words, it does not make demands of others to change; it is harmless and considerate. Love is kind, which is another word for considerate. Love does not envy. Love, instead of desiring only pleasure and comfort on all levels, makes a contribution. Love does not say, “look at me, see how wonderful I am”. Instead it vaunteth not itself, it is unobtrusive. It is not puffed up, not arrogant. Love does not behave unseemingly; it is considerate. It seeks not its own; it makes a contribution. It is not provoked; it understands that all people are doing what to them at that moment is felt to be right, proper, or justified.