Dan Klatt

Too often during fights or heated situations people surrender their rational thought and let their tempers flare. By consciously following this Unconditional Love Checklist, you will at least minimize conflicts in your life. You will probably develop much healthier and more fulfilling relationships because it helps you react from your heart and with love. And you will drive happier and safer. Relax and drive safely with these secrets.

Highway Hugs:
Road Rage in Reverse
by Dan Klatt

A poll taken two years ago found that about three-fourths of the public feels that other people are driving more aggressively than they were five years earlier. However, this is no reason for you to become more tense when you drive, as long as you apply the information presented here to your daily commutes. In fact, since this information could be very important to your own safety and peace of mind, please review it quickly before you leave for work and before you leave for home. At those times, apply the steps more generally to your home life and your work life. In other words, use the six steps to make sure you're driving while you are fully within your heart center.

That way you'll drive stress-free and the actions of other drivers will have no effect on you. (Then also notice how your whole day is more enjoyable, and then your evening, too.)

Please also apply this information to all times in your life when someone confronts you, such as your significant other, your boss or coworkers and even your mother-in-law. This list is adapted from "Experience Unconditional Love This Year," which I wrote with the help of Quan Yin, the Buddhist Bodhisattva of Compassion.

Take this prescription as often as needed. There are no reports of side effects other than better communication, greater sensitivity and awareness, healthier relationships, and a greater experience of unconditional love in your life.

1. Immediately send unconditional love to the other driver, or whatever the situation you are faced with, and to all people within the situation. Yes, that does include you.
By consciously sending unconditional love, you firmly plant yourself within your state of love. That makes it likely you will act and react through your heart instead of your ego. Unless you react from love, a situation can trigger your ego's defense mechanism, which the other person often perceives as an attack; and the conflict escalates.
When the conflict resolves itself, you will feel good knowing you remained respectful and kept your cool. The alternative causes bitterness, guilt, hurt, and bad feelings for things said and perhaps anger acted out.
Remember, you will drive already within your state of unconditional love if before you leave the office you send love to your coworkers, your boss, the project with an approaching deadline, your job, your company, your competitors. Even before you leave for work, consider sending love to your spouse, your children, their projects and activities, the traffic flow, your car, the other motorists driving to work, their spouses and children.
In other words, the more love you send out, the more loving you will feel. It really works; try it. The more loving you feel, the more it takes to throw you from that position.

2. If you consider yourself spiritual, then call upon the higher power you believe in or your higher self or intuition to help you learn the lesson the situation presents.
This step helps frame your perspective so you don't fall into the ego traps and lose your cool. Hopefully, you will have put aside concerns such as what to make for supper, picking up the kids, stress from work, and a million other things by following these steps before you started your engine. The other driver probably has the same daily pressures and possibly much worse.

Remember that these types of situations help us learn how far along we are in our ongoing process of enlightenment, by exposing the places we still can benefit from improving. Consider them helpful flags, which point the way for your continued growth, such as mile markers that say, "Fully Realized State of Unconditional Love 5 Miles."

That analogy may mislead you, though, because the process is really a journey rather than a destination, so that you hopefully learn and grow each day. You don't wake up tomorrow and say, "I've got it!" and then stop growing.

Maybe the situation is Spirit's way of telling you to slow down, enjoy life as you drive through it. See the beauty that is all around you, in the eyes of children walking to school, in the expressions of hope on the young people's faces, in the love you sense of an elderly couple holding hands.
Learn this message now and there may be no need to experience any road rage later. There really is beauty all around, no matter where you live or where you work. It's really only a matter of opening your heart and experiencing that beauty, because Spirit is all around you, sending you messages throughout the day. Are you receiving them?

If you don't believe in a higher power, you can still tell yourself to remain level-headed.

3. Mentally step back from the situation and determine what is really happening.
The second step helps you frame the experience from your point of view, such as showing you areas you can improve, but the third step helps you see things from the other person's perspective. By stepping back, you can look at the full picture and remove your emotional involvement. You might feel that this aggressive driver has been under a lot of pressure without much sleep because of marriage challenges, and that has affected his job performance, causing a written reprimand. Maybe he's trying his best just to make it through each day. So, if he thought you didn't leave enough room to pull into the lane ahead of him, he might very well take it personally; and he already has a short fuse. What might really be happening is that this driver feels unappreciated and unloved.
If the situation involves your spouse feeling jealous or insecurity, and he gets mad over the slightest thing, he really might be trying to say he misses you or needs more love.

This step helps you gain perspective. How important is it really that this driver is moving five miles below the speed limit? Maybe you don't need to toot the horn or pass aggressively. Maybe it's Spirit affording you a chance to look at the flowers along the way or an extra moment to remember to compliment your wife when you see her in a few moments.

4. Give the person what you learned he or she really needs.
This doesn't mean give the other driver a hug, but showing compassion and understanding. Even saying "I'm sorry" as you give that gesture that says, "So sorry, my mistake," if you came closer than the other person liked to his car.

Please take care if the other person forces you off the road, but you could say, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize this exit was coming up so quickly. I was in too much of a hurry. You look like you're dealing with a lot of stuff in your life now, and I feel bad if I gave you more things to worry about." Such words show the driver you feel for his pain and take away his anger, as long as you're sincere.

Who cares whose fault it really was? If your ego does, then perhaps you are an aggressive driver yourself and might benefit from reading all of "Experience Unconditional Love This Year." The point is that if you smile at the other person or give some other friendly gesture, then you're not escalating the situation into a conflict. If he's run by his ego, he can feel he won and go about his drive home. If you fall into the trappings of your ego, you could start competing with him and, remember, this isn't a one-on-one basketball game; you're playing with thousands of pounds of steel, lots of speed and many other lives besides your own.

How much potential damage is your pride worth? Again, if you went over this checklist before your drive, and sent love and showed concern for your boss or coworkers, then you should feel happy on your way home from work and you will naturally evaluate the drive home as being more enjoyable, likely preventing any new highway statistics involving your car.

5. We started talking about this step, but it's so important we will elaborate more here. If you haven't done so yet, even if it's just saying it out loud in your car, apologize.

The word "sorry" has powerful abilities to stop anger and all non-loving emotions. The word almost gives the other person's ego permission to stand down, as though the need for battle has subsided.
If you can say it with sincerity, I suggest that you have learned to live within your heart to a large degree. Also remember that you can say, "I'm sorry," for whatever bothers the other person, even if it has nothing to do with you. Human compassion goes a long way to helping others experience more happiness. Please use it generously and notice how much more friendly people are toward you.

6. Show concern for this person's feelings.
This step means more than showing sympathy, which itself helps a lot. It involves starting to talk through the situation. For example, if you ran into someone's car, go beyond saying how sorry you are. You might say, "I can tell you've put a lot of work into maintaining this car and it must be very special to you. I know how tough this must be for you, but I can say that my insurance will pay the costs to make your car as good as it was."
Instead of the person expressing anger toward you personally, such a statement can shift his focus to how upset he feels to see his car in this condition, but then he's already heard you offer a sollution. You've already offered to pay before he could express through anger that he's going to make you pay, one way or the other.
The situation will resolve itself. This step helps you both make a smooth transition back to at least cordial terms.
Picture the reaction of the driver you passed who tailgated you and blocked you from driving on if you put your hands together and deeply bowed in respect like a Chinese or Japanese person does humbly. This person wanted you to react with anger, but such a response would probably make him think, "why bother." He might swear a little, wave his hand in disgust, and then drive on.

If he came toward your car, you could repeat this affirmation: "I am holding the frequency of love for the planet as a divine aspect of God." And then when he comes within earshot, you could say, "God loves you! You are blessed."

The affirmation will help you remain within your heart center without letting fear take over. The statement to him will help him come out of his state of anger and back into the rational mind.

Of course you want to get home as soon as you can, but just remember how much beauty there is along the way. Enjoy each moment of the journey and take your time. You're along for the ride.

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