Pauline Mistretta

Walking the Walk

What is this thing called Faith? Have you been tested in Faith so much that you think you had to walk on water? About five to six years ago I felt on an intuitive level that, “You are only going to get what you are willing to settle for.” I would tell people (excluding myself, of course) who were feeling hopeless about their lives this bit of information. One day a friend was listening to me talk about my very difficult marriage. He told me, “Remember what you told me; you are only going to get what you are willing to settle for.” I thought for a moment and wondered if I been giving advice to others that I had not been listening to for myself.

Well, I stepped out for really the first time. My spouse and I had a rent house that was occupied, and I said to my God that if it was time to go out on my own, let my rent house become available. Within two weeks the renters announced they were moving. My spouse at the time said to me, “I guess I will have to get a realtor to list the house.” I told him the children and I would be moving into the rent house. After being in a marriage for 23-1/2 years, I was finally going out on my own!

Before my decision I had been in the emergency room about once a month due to emotional stress. I had heart problems and dangerously high blood pressure. Then I decided I would let God take care of me. From the moment I left the marriage, there was a peace that I really cannot explain. Spirit was watching over me, sending me a job that paid well so I was able to make it through those times comfortably.

After going through such a process, I felt I had risen to a much higher level in my spirituality. I had put my life completely in God’s hands, and I gained much insight. Life’s experience taught me priceless wisdom and knowledge, and it was clear to me that you draw to you what you need to see in yourself.

I have had a great desire to have a mate in my life to love me. I see now that what I needed to do was love myself first. During this time of being alone, Spirit has clarified things that I never understood before.

Another bit of intelligence that is very insightful to me is the idea that everything is a balance. If we want a particular kind of lover and/or mate in our life, we first have to become that kind of person. One cannot argue a better way to have balance in a relationship than to be in perfect balance with ourselves. So we need to have the Faith to allow God to work in our lives and have trust that all is in a great plan. Many times we are able to look back and say, “Oh, now I understand.”

Meanwhile, I have become a registered massage therapist. My focus is helping people feel better physically and assisting them in understanding that they are not alone. When money becomes harder to come by, I am asked now more than ever to walk in Faith. Also, my physical self does not seem to be able to withstand as much as before. Do I have enough Faith with these obstacles to say I believe I will get what I truly desire? Oh, yes!! I cannot and will not give up now. I have come too far, for too long, to say “forget it.” I refuse to give in to that fear and doubt. My Lord has not forgotten me before and will not forget me now. My Higher Power will see to it that I get all of my necessities at the time I need them.

The process of Faith is a lifelong journey. My Faith is getting stronger, not only because I feel it, but also because other people are starting to notice and say, “I wish I had strong Faith like yours.” Do people not realize that to have strong Faith you are tested in fire, and just about the time you think you are there, you find out you have just gone to a higher level? We continue to become more enlightened, more aware of what is really happening; and we obtain power within ourselves to have heaven on earth. Our purpose is to understand and be at peace even when our lives around us appear to be falling apart.

Have you ever wondered about those times when nothing appears to be happening? In fact, you are at that “still time in your life.” What does it really mean? I am a person who feels I have to always be doing something. These times for me are not easy; however, due to these times I have become a more disciplined person. I am in a position where I totally have to depend on Faith.

One morning I was not feeling very well. I desired a mate, someone to share with, but without settling, I did not have a prospect. My physical or emotional self just did not feel like doing anything. I had hurt my back at the beginning of the year and was unable to do massage. This lesson came to me one morning as I was getting ready for work at a CPA firm during tax season. However, that particular morning I was just lifeless and unmotivated. I had forced myself to dress for work. I decided to lie on my sofa and just look out the window for a while. What I noticed was the extreme stillness outside; there was not a leaf moving, and not even the slightest breeze seemed to be stirring. What message was I to get? As I continued to just watch, it finally came to me. That was the exact place I was in my life, a place of total stillness, nothing moving, no activity happening. It was during that time I realized how substantial this time was for my growth. I was not to be doing anything but just being, letting Spirit do what was necessary in my life without my interference. I thank God for these times because out of the stillness comes a time of harvest.

One Saturday night I finally got up enough courage to put on paper just how much I really did owe between hospital bills, doctor bills, and charge cards. It appeared the harder I tried to pay these off, the more developed. After finishing the paper, I just started to cry out in fear. For that moment I took my eye off God, I allowed my Faith to fall. It is during these situations that our Faith is being tested. I had to stay focused toward God, because if I did not, I would fall out of fear of the storms around me.

What I have learned during these trials of life is that we first begin with our thoughts of Faith and then need to feel it to the core of our souls. So what is this Faith, really? I believe it is a journey of experiences, with constant opportunities for growing and releasing. We must not worry about things; we must let them go and let God direct us. Every day we are to pick ourselves up and say that it is a wonderful day, particularly when we do not feel like it. It sounds so easy that anybody can do it, right? God loves us so very much; that is why he gave us Faith, Hope, and Love. They all go together because you really cannot have one without the other.
So, our lives hold golden opportunities to grow, learn, and share. We are presented with situations that will teach us wisdom and knowledge and to be in the perfect image of God. The more I see myself learning and understanding, the more I am able to see the bigger picture. I have a broader spectrum of how the balance works and how much He loves us. To be carried and protected are signs of any good Parent who loves and cares for their children. We are to see life out of the eyes of a child and allow God to guide us.

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