Soul Mates and the Romance Angels
by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.

“When am I going to meet my soulmate?” my new client, Nancy, asked me. Her young face searched mine imploringly, with an expression of sheer hunger for the companion she wanted so badly. Never married, Nancy was beginning to panic, as if time were running out for her. It wasn’t that Nancy hadn’t been courted, far from it. In fact, Nancy had turned down two marriage proposals in three years. “They weren’t HIM,” she explained, meaning that her suitors didn’t live up to her idea of the soulmate for whom she longed. I recognized instantly that Nancy had succumbed to the myth of “there’s only one soul mate for me in this world, and I have to hunt until I find this person.” This is a romantic notion, indeed; the stuff that great novels and movies are made of, but entirely based on a false myth about what a soul mate is. The angels told Nancy that she needed to make her standards for a partner a bit more realistic. “You are covering up your deepest fears of abandonment by searching high and low for a mythical lover,” they counseled her. Nancy admitted that she was afraid that a husband might leave her, just as her own father had left her mother.

The angels helped Nancy to heal her insecurities through the process of forgiving her parents for their break-up. I watched as the angels swirled around Nancy’s heart and ovaries, where she’d stored years of angry energy directed toward her father, mother, and lovers. When the angels were finished clearing away Nancy’s old heartaches, she looked visibly different: she stood taller and her eyes radiated a glint of happiness. She reported feeling lighter, as if she could breathe easier.

Nancy wrote me a couple of  letters following our session, reporting that she had met a man who she was very interested in. The last time I heard from her, Nancy and her boyfriend were on vacation, and she credited the angels’ Divine prescriptions for her new happy relationship. The angels have taught me that the notion that there is only one soul mate for each of us, is one of the most damaging and time-consuming myths around. I’ve watched people put their entire lives on hold and ignore potentially suitable mates while searching for “the one.” Then they meet a person who they believe is their soul mate, only to be disappointed when, in a few months, they realize that their perfect partner has human idiosyncrasies.

I’ve heard dozens, perhaps hundreds, of women announce that they were divorcing their husbands so that they could search for their soulmate. Two years later, they land on my doorstep, to ask the angels, “How do I find my soulmate?” I’ve met others who believe their soulmate is the “one who got away.” They  romanticize that if only that guy or gal had agreed to a  relationship, they would have enjoyed the soulmate lovelife of their dreams. But no, the other person was (fill in the blank) married, in the process of divorcing, living in a far-away land, emotionally unavailable, unaware of the potential of the relationship, or addicted.

Lest I sound callously unromantic, I want to go on record as saying that I firmly do believe in the notion of soulmates. What I don’t believe is that there is only one soulmate for each of us. We all have hundreds of potential soulmates available to us! There are many suitable suitors whose company you would enjoy immensely. Yet, each potential soulmate brings a unique emphasis to your life. Depending upon your leanings, you might find that you enjoy Robin, because of your mutual interest in music, Lynn, because you love to spend time together in nature, Pat, because of your deep philosophical discussions, or Lee, because of your passionate physical chemistry for one another.

The angels say that the partner you choose is based upon an instinctive desire to heal and grow in a certain life area. So, if your soul is ready to learn about patience, you may choose a soul mate who is almost ready to commit, but  requires time and patience on your part. And, there are many different types of soulmates. In addition to romantic soul-mates, we have soulmates who are our business partners, bosses, and co-workers. Some people have children, parents, and siblings who are soul-mates. Others have a soulmate as their same-sex or opposite-sex best friend.

What is a Soul Mate? If your idea of a soulmate is someone who is virtually your twin, someone who acts, thinks, and talks exactly like you, the angels say that you will likely have difficulties finding this person. That is because, in the initial phases of a new relationship, everyone tends to focus on their similarities. So, it’s easy to think that a new companion is just like yourself. You mention that you love to listen to Led Zeppelin while eating cold spaghetti on rainy Saturday mornings. Your new friend loudly exclaims, “Really? Me too!” It doesn’t necessarily mean that your new friend is trying to bamboozle you into thinking you share things in common. More likely, your friend is searching through a memory bank, trying to find matches that he or she shares with you. This is a process of socialization which is entirely natural, according to many social psychological studies. So, take it as a compliment, but also realize that after the six-month mark, most relationship partners take off their rose-colored glasses and begin to notice how the other person is different from themselves. The angels’ point is not to kill the joy that comes from discovering a person who shares our dreams, interests, and aspirations. Rather, it is to point out that soulmates have a different function than serving as our twin or mirror.

The angels have taught me a lesson that I have confirmed by clinical and personal experience: the word, “soul-mate,” is a verb rather than a noun. It refers to any person who  inspires us to be our very best, to follow our passion, and to make a difference in the world. Soulmates function much like our guardian angels, in that they nudge us to carve out time for our priorities.